Next week I officially start working full time in the Portsmouth store. I told them (because they asked) that I could work until 5:00 on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Fridays. I figure that way I’ve got almost one whole day of extra pay, which will be helpful this holiday season. What’s a couple more hours tacked on to the end of the day, anyway? I might actually push more merchandise, that way. I’m not sure when it will start, though.

If they promoted me back to merchandise coordinator in Portsmouth, I’d make more, but I’d need to work at least one night and one weekend day. I was able to be a coordinator and get away with a M-F 7-3 schedule in Somersworth because I was considered extra, but that’s not the case in Portsmouth. I might be able to pull off one night a week at some point…maybe Friday nights? Unlike many workplaces, I can go over 40 hours a week if I want, especially right now. The one night wouldn’t be so bad. I don’t know, we’ll see.

The weekends are when I do most of my shopping in the store. Unless I happen to see something while I’m working. I just don’t feel much like shopping or standing in line during or after my workday. So I often end up going there on the weekend, anyway, just as a customer. I get a discount: usually 10% but some weekends 20%.

I often use new clothes to reinforce good WW weeks, so this week I rewarded myself with a form-fitting, wine-colored sweater dress, which fits well and looks good—yay! Sweater dresses work for me because I’m curvy-shaped, no matter what I weigh, and they show that off. I also get my tights and lingerie there; they have really nice things.

I need to establish my ultimate goal and how exactly I will celebrate its achievement. It can’t be food (counterproductive) and I’d rather it not be clothes, since I already use them as a reward a lot. I need to think about what I want more than anything, what drives me to work harder. I need to revisit my why’s.

It won’t be long, now, especially if I’m only looking at 25 pounds, which I think might actually be healthier (and possibly more attractive) than 50. Many people said I was too skinny in my late teens/ early twenties. In fact, I still have a student ID from junior year at UNH where I look like a strung-out junkie, I was so thin. My cheeks were sallow. No glasses, either, and I kind of look cock-eyed (I will not be sharing a photo of said ID, here, as it embarrasses me, but you can see some cute childhood photos in some of my older posts e.g. “Dance,” “Oh Brother, Where Art Though,” “Why Are You So Dull?”).

Anyway, I’ve gone off on a tangent, as I frequently do: blame it on my ADD.

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