I finally broke through the 175-pound ceiling this morning. It took getting sick to my stomach and resultant under-eating to do it, but it’s been done, so hooray! 173.8 today. 160’s ho!

I’m trying to decide whether to sacrifice the gym today for “finishing” grading. I say “finishing,” because it’s never really done. Every time I bust ass through what I have left, someone drops another pile of missing work on me.

I think it’s bogus that we’re expected to accept late work the entire quarter. All it does for me is allow kids to blow off their classwork all quarter only to burden me with a large packet of late work just days before or after grades close.

If they really cared about their grade that much, they’d have submitted the work the day it was due. I don’t even assign any homework. I’m more than fair. If they turned in their work as it was due at the end of class, or even within the week, this would be their easiest class.

All I expect is for them to be productive during class. Don’t sit there or wander around the room, doing nothing and distracting everyone else all period.

That’s why I started implementing participation grades. I would make my way around the room to see what kids had done or not done during class. I didn’t even end up scoring the zeros, though I should have, as consequence for blowing off my class. That was the whole point of the grade.

But, no, as I’m too nice, I only ended up using the good participation grades to boost hardworking kids’ averages. So nobody really learned anything from it, except for me, and that is to say I only made more work for myself with the initiative. Though it did bring up certain kids’ grades from, for example, a D+ to a C-. From failing to just barely passing, on the strength of good in-class behavior.

I think it was most helpful to struggling kids who nevertheless try hard with the time and opportunities they’re given.

Had I counted all of the zeros, I probably would have quite a few failing students. As it is, there are only a handful: one or two from each class—none in AC 2. Well, except for AC 1; there may have been four or more in there.

The point of participation grades was to increase productivity, thereby reducing behaviors. In one class, it wasn’t really achievable. Unless, probably, I had had more time and scored the zeros to show them the consequences of their actions.

But, as I say, I’m a wimp, and my lack of follow through on this project could actually stand to increase off-task behaviors in the future, at least in AC 1.

Sorry, I have gone into clinical mode. I once was training to become a board certified behavior analyst (BCBA). I did all of the coursework and some of the fieldwork, but I couldn’t get free or inexpensive supervision consistently. And now my coursework is several task list editions too old to qualify me.

I think I might be better off, though. I would not have been a very good BCBA. I care too much when others blame me unfairly for things that go wrong.

For example, I could write a stellar, air-tight behavior plan. But without treatment integrity (everyone following and implementing the plan exactly as written), the plan won’t work. This means a behavior plan is only as strong as its weakest link.

But, more often than not, when a plan is ineffective, it’s easiest to blame the one who wrote it. This necessitates liability insurance, and, frankly, the very existence of the need frightens me. Through no fault of my own, I would almost certainly land in hot water at some point, and leave the profession out of fear. There are just too many things that can go awry.

Treatment integrity is hard to get 100 percent of the time. Particularly at the pay grade of support staff, you’re always going to have someone who wants to do things the way they want to do them, or interprets the procedure slightly differently from the rest of the team, or is simply unable to follow the procedure, despite their best efforts. There is a significant margin of error.

Even if it’s not directly the BCBA at fault, it is then on the BCBA to correct the problem, if possible, and to recommend replacement of personnel if not.

In a nutshell, it is a heavy-workload, high-stress job, and, given my anxiety, I don’t know honestly if it would be the best fit for me. The raw ability is there, but at what cost? My sanity, emotional health, quality of life, and work-life balance would all likely be at stake in a profession like that.

Also, any lack of follow-through whatsoever on my part would be the kiss of death. So, if I’m lacking the conviction to allow a student to fail as a result of their inability or unwillingness to comply with instructions, then I don’t see myself doing any better as a behaviorist.

My class isn’t difficult. You almost have to try to do poorly in it. If I’ve got a kid failing, then s/he is probably consistently doing nothing in class, other than fooling around and distracting everyone else. Or else not studying for the Wordly Wise tests.

I am probably not going to the gym today.

I hope you have enjoyed my runaway post on behavior and grading. Now it’s time to mind my own productivity and get grading.