I hope I can do most everything in sequence today. I kind of feel “off” when I flip routines around. And then I wonder if I’m on the spectrum. But you don’t have to be autistic to like routine. But there were all those screenings. None of them have ever definitively said I am not spectrummy.

But I do also have qualities that are incongruous with an autism diagnosis. For example, I am a huge empath. Typically individuals on the spectrum have difficulty with empathy. I think I can read facial expressions and social cues. But that might be due to 46 years of practice and some direct teaching.

But there is definitely something different about me, beyond ADHD. It’s just no one has figured out exactly what it is that makes me different.

I had a dream I was in sixth grade and we were doing something with sponges. I had mine in my mouth and was chewing it because I liked the texture. Then I started to choke on it. I wonder what that’s supposed to mean.

Some people think dreams don’t mean anything, but I don’t know. If that’s true, why do I have the same ones over and over? Losing my teeth. Crazy elevators. Intruders trying to get in the house. My mother still being alive. If nothing else, they seem to be a manifestation of all of my desires, worries, and insecurities.

I didn’t mean to get all analytical and philosophic right out the gate, but here we are.

I’m down again today. 191.2. So close to 190, I can taste it. Actually, it’s 189 I’m most excited about right now. I’m stoked about that 8 being right around the corner.

Already it’s much easier to bend over, put on socks and tie my sneakers. Stairs are still hard, but I do have a bad knee. On the other hand, my knee is not bothering me as much as it used to.

It was a nice Valentine’s Day. I got beautiful cards and a rose bouquet. I got Derek the Whitman’s Sampler of chocolate that he said he’d always wanted. I got Desmond a keepsake keychain with a message on the back, and Aislyn a necklace with a message on the pendant. Not very original, I grant you, but everyone seemed to like what they got.

I celebrate Valentine’s Day because it’s nice to, but I also recognize it as an attempt on the greeting card companies’ part to make more money. Other days hold more significance for me.

I’m falling asleep in front of my screen, so I’m going to take a power nap before the gym. Have a sequential Saturday. Thanks for reading.