In a week I’ve lost 11 pounds, which I guess is not that surprising when you have a huge calorie deficit everyday.

I can’t remember if they asked me about a specific end goal on this journey. When Aislyn was a baby, I got down to 130 pounds, which, don’t get me wrong, was nice. It was in the high end of the healthy range for someone my height. I looked good, felt good.

If we’re wishing for things, though, 115-120 would be insanely good.

But in all honesty, and I know this about myself, I am way hung up on numbers. I think I get this from my mother. When I gained even five pounds, she let me know it. When I came home one quarter with four B’s and three A’s on my report card, she was obviously disappointed. Sixth grade. Can you imagine putting that much pressure on your child for grades that don’t even matter? No college cares what you did in sixth grade.

That’s nothing. When I was in kindergarten, she screamed at me one afternoon for bearing down on my crayons in a picture I had drawn of a robin laying eggs.

I know, she was unwell. That didn’t make it any easier.

Anyway…

What I really need to do is focus less on the number and more on how I feel: how is my health, fitness, confidence? It may be that 115 is too small for a 47-year-old. I won’t know unless and until I’m in that vicinity.

I still have a long way to go. I’m right at the beginning of this happy trail. I’m just taking it day by day.