I had my WW, and then at 11:00 I have work. Both are in Portsmouth, so there’s little reason to go home in between. I thought, what could I do with my extra time?

I could go shopping at Marshall’s, but I’d probably better not.

I could go into work early, but that might feel like a very long day with my plantar fasciitis acting up.

Maybe, I thought, I will hang out at Dunkin,’ just for a bit, take advantage of the free WiFi, since I will be cut off from the internet for several hours, and shoot off another post. So, here I am.

There is this book I’m interested in called “The Let Them Theory,” by Mel Robbins. One of my fellow WW members recommended it today. I previewed it on Audible and it sounds really good. It is about letting go of trying to manage what other people say, think, and do. I think I desperately need that right now. Probably I always have.

It’s significant to me because I have lost people trying to manage them in this way. I don’t want that. I don’t want to worry about things that are out of my control. I think it is partly the anxiety. But also, I worry deeply how people feel about me, and if they will stop loving me.

My mother’s love was extremely conditional. I had to be very thin. I had to have clear skin. I had to be pretty. I had to have straight A’s. She didn’t like my glasses, and was visibly disappointed when she found out I was getting married in them, even though I wore them all the time. She didn’t like my meds. Most importantly, I had to agree with her.

I do worry about losing people. I mean, I lost my mother, I’ve lost close friends. I’ve been hurt. I guess to compensate I might hold on too tightly sometimes.

I have to accept that I am what I am and I can’t change how people feel about me. Or what they do or why.

Well, now that I have it all figured out, looks like I don’t need to spend the $23 on the book. I’m just kidding.

Anyway, I’m going to head off to work, now, get in an extra hour if they’ll let me. Stay safe, locals, the roads aren’t great.