No Matter What 👎

I go to have my foot looked at today. I have prescriptions to pick up, also. Amazon returns. It might make sense to go straight to work from my appointment. I’d be there early, but I’d make up some of my Wednesday hours.

I had a bit of a body image crisis this morning when I put on shorts. I said to my reflection, “Yeeeeah, this is not happening today.” Not even with the tan legs.

I won’t burden you with the details. I just knew it wasn’t a love connection. I’d rather be hot and sweaty this week than bare my legs to the world.

Maybe in a couple of months, if I make any headway on program.

I told Sherry B I was self-conscious in shorts. She said, “Why?!” I told her how I grew up and the things my mother and her brother said. Things my aunt says.

“That’s abuse,” she said.

I know. I’ve always known. Even as a little girl, I think I was quite certain, this is not the way you treat a child.

My mother was anorexic as a kid, or said she was. She was clearly projecting her own anxieties about body image onto me.

I know my grandmother did the same thing to them. Maybe not as pathologically, but all this baloney came from somewhere.

I didn’t even have a weight problem as a kid. That’s the really sick thing. I was a beautiful little girl, just like my kids are beautiful. And who’s to say I wouldn’t have been beautiful regardless?

I think a lot of people like me just as I am. Maybe it’s only me that’s the problem.

The best I can do is to keep recording over all of that old negativity with positive self-talk. I’m trying—most of the time.

And tell my kids how beautiful and kind and smart they are and how I love them exactly as they are every minute of everyday. No matter what.