Just Mad

I am so frustrated. I was down all week and because of one meal, the whole week is a wash. I lost nothing.

I want to smash that stupid scale into a mirror.

I was seriously down every single sucking day except today. I want to scream.

I know this is a terrible attitude. It just happened. I’ll be over it by the time I have the workshop. At least I’ll be in a better place with it than I am, now. We know I get over things.

This is the last Portsmouth workshop. It won’t be the same. There are over 100 people in Haverhill. I won’t probably have as active a role. I don’t know, maybe that’s not true. We’ll see.

I’m sad. There are a lot of people I’m going to miss.

I guess I’ve just woken up moody. I should take my meds, but it’s early. I might go back to sleep for a while.

I don’t know. Sometimes there are real reasons to feel frustrated and sad. It’s not always just down to lack of meds.

What I mean to say is that my frustration and sadness are legitimate. But I can’t think of a time when they’re not. I’m never sad or angry for no reason at all.

CEG continues to stare at me despite the fact that it obviously creeps me out. Despite the fact that I’m pretty sure he’s been spoken to by Randy, his supervisor, about it. Now I’m actively looking for ways to avoid him. But it’s hard; he’s on my Honda path.

If his behavior toward me is interfering with my job performance, is it time to get HR involved?

And I realize he does it to everyone, but, believe it or not, it still really bothers me. He will just stand there and stare at you, shit-eating grin plastered to his face.

If he’s not singling me out, does it still count as harassment? I think it does. It makes me uncomfortable.

I think the worst thing is that he knows I don’t like it and continues to do it. It’s insulting.

Jesus, I am on a negative jag, though, aren’t I. I guess I’m taking my meds now.