I sit helplessly by as the mouse scratches the ceiling in the kitchen. I can hear it from the living room. I can hear it from the dining room. There is nowhere for me to go.
Hereās a question: isnāt the first floor ceiling also the second floorā¦floor? Why do we never see that son of a B anywhere on the second floor?
I guess Iām not complaining.
Maybe Iāll accidentally step on it one night and break its neck.
Iām so nice.
I just hate pests. I was brought up to hate and fear them. Itās all I know, okay? Leave me alone.
I donāt want my kids to grow up unnecessarily fearful of all kinds of things. I feel like I kind of did. But on the other hand, you do have to be careful.
Some animals carry disease.
Most people are good, but a few are bad, which is why I recently removed most of the kidsā pictures again. I get nervous.
Am I too sensitive? Probably. I donāt know how not to be.
Just like being too tense all the time with my body. I donāt know how not to be tense.
In the 5th grade one day, we were making a space station out of Legos. Something about what we were doing must have been making me feel uncomfortable, because I had my arms crossed against my chest so impossibly tightly that my friend, Sarah, gently said to me, āLeah, be normal.ā
I didnāt even realize I had been doing it. Thatās how it usually goes. As an adult, it might look subtler.
Or it might not, Iām not sure. Iād have to ask someone who knows me.
Not to jump to a whole other subject, but Iām going to. The Topomax seems to be helping somewhat with nightmares. I feel like theyāre not as bad, at least, as they used to be. Not as scary. I do think Iām still talking in my sleep, though.
Itās hard to know for sure. Weāre on really different, almost opposite sleep schedules right now. Often, Iām getting up when heās coming to bed.
I only had that one day of drowsiness. After that, Iāve seemed to adjust.
What are my plans for today?
Well, there is a ton of laundry to fold, and somewhere in those mountains of clothes are my jeans that I need for today.
I have these Wallflower bootcut jeans that I just love the look of so much that Iāve bought them in literally every size from 16-22.
Yes, weight fluctuation costs a lot of money. Especially when you donate clothes that become too big, but then, unfortunately, you wind up needing them again.
Thatās why I need to understand and get used to the whole WW lifestyle; not just the weight loss portion of the program.
I would argue that maintenance is much harder than losing, because Iāve made it to lifetime status before, but not been able to stay there.
I have to not stop going to meetings, once I make lifetime again.
But Iām not there, yet. Iām only just beginning this journey, so letās not worry about it right now.
I told Derek just not to machine dry any of my bras because youāre really not supposed to and they shrink. I hope he remembered.
I mean, I get it. When youāre loading tons of stuff into the dryer, youāre not always paying attention to whatās going in there.
The problem is that when they have wires in them and the material shrinks, they get all misshapen and become basically useless.
Ideally, of course, you want to hand wash your bras. But who has time for that, honestly? If I washed and dried all my clothes according to the label, every surface of my house would be covered in my sweaters all the time.
I never feel like Iāve done a good enough job, anyway, when I hand wash my clothes.
I think youāre never supposed to machine-anything your unmentionables. Theyāre supposed to be hand washed and air dried. But, Iām sorry, itās like I said: no one has the time or frankly, the space.
Once, freshman year of college, I canāt remember why, but I had to hang dry my underwear all over my dorm room. Maybe they didnāt dry all the way in the dryer and I ran out of quarters.
Whatever it was, they were on full display, and my roommateās boyfriend and his friend unexpectedly walked in the room.
Both my roommates thought it was hilarious. I all but died.
The good news, I guess, is they were cute underwear. No rips or nuthin. š³