Best Leah 👍

I had a headache in my eye last night. The kind that blossoms into a full blown migraine if I don’t tend to it immediately.

I don’t get migraines that often, anymore. I’m on meds for that, too…I think?

Actually, I’m not sure I still am. My blood pressure meds initially were prescribed to treat migraines. But over the years they’ve changed so many times that I’m not sure if the one I’m currently on doubles as a migraine med.

It’s okay, I don’t feel like I need something for migraines right now. They’re pretty rare. This one might have been related to my cycle.

I could, on the other hand, use something for nightmares. I freak out the kids when I talk in my sleep. And, yes, unfortunately, I am often loud enough that they can hear me.

And, yes, unfortunately, it’s when I’m sleeping that I seem to use my most colorful language.

I’m on several medications, and, yes, that does concern me. I suspect the nightmares are a side effect from certain of my meds, but there are some that are just non negotiable:

  • Blood pressure, obviously
  • Antidepressants/ anti-anxiety
  • ADHD
  • Antihistamine
  • Miralax
  • Mirapex as needed

Some of the others I might be able to live without:

  • Antibiotic for acne
  • Antiperspirant
  • Vitamin B

Jeez…that really is quite a cocktail.

If my diet was better, it’s possible I wouldn’t need the Miralax.

Restless Legs Syndrome can also be a side effect of some medications, I think. There are nights I can’t sleep unless and until I’ve taken Mirapex.

The first three are the ones I need the most. Even the first two. The ADHD meds I did without until 2017, and, while they help a lot and I struggle without them, I could conceivably get by. Just not as well.

The antidepressants, I think, are the ones with all of the unpleasant side effects: weight gain, nightmares, etc.

But I need them just as much as I need my blood pressure medication. Depression is a medical condition. I am not ashamed of it, and I know medicine helps me. So I don’t mess around with my antidepressants.

Interestingly, Adderall can help you lose weight, and it did—at first. I lost a good 50 pounds after I started taking Adderall.

But I gained it all back. And then some.

Oh yes, I’ve been way up and way down and back again since becoming a mom. And, Desmond, I promise you, I don’t blame childbirth. I think it’s mostly my compounding poor habits, merely coinciding with my motherhood timeline.

Sure, your body changes when you have kids. But mine didn’t need to change so drastically. I used my pregnancy with Aislyn as an excuse to party like a rockstar with food for nine months. I will own that. And I nearly doubled in size from my original tiny frame.

Original Leah was a skeleton, though. I was bony. I was flat chested. I know it’s hard to imagine me bony, but I was.

I felt under a lot of pressure to stay that thin. I was always single because of my poor social skills (I’m thinking that’s why?). I figured being skinny was the best way to attract a mate.

Lots of men thought I was cute, but none of them wanted to be in a relationship, pretty much until I met Derek.

But Derek doesn’t seem to care about my size. So I became complacent and almost immediately started packing it on.

I was up and down for many years on a smaller scale (no pun intended) back before I had kids. 20 pounds up, 10 pounds down, 20 pounds up again, you get the picture.

Probably the best Leah is somewhere between Original Leah and Today Leah. Where I am a bit thinner but can maintain my voluptuousness. That would be about 140-150.

Even that is far away from me.

If we’re going to get really real about this, and I suggest we do, probably Best Leah is actually inside Leah.

It sounds corny. But I think that’s the way I have to see it to be successful at this.

Best Leah is Inner Leah.

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