It’s a Downer

Woke up at 2:00. Didn’t really want to go back to sleep, so I came downstairs, fed the cats, fed myself, made my coffee.

There’s this woman in WW who’s lost 23 pounds in just a few weeks. She recommended Atomic Habits. It’s a book I’ve had for a long time and not read, yet. The story of my life.

She counts down from 5 as a strategy. To get out of bed instead of hitting the snooze button. To pause before she makes certain food choices.

I’ve heard it’s an amazing book, that’s why I have it. But it’s no good to me unless I read it.

My arm looks less purple today. It doesn’t really feel any better, though. It still stings, it’s still pretty hard to use. And it itches, oh, God, it itches!

I was thinking. The HR director clearly doesn’t want to help me. The quality lady picks on me, and the plant manager can’t remember me.

I am worried that I’ve hit my ceiling, there.

Everyone close to me thinks I’m doing a great job, and that’s awesome; I love that, don’t get me wrong.

But as you get higher up…all of that appreciation seems to disappear.

No one is leaving, no one is retiring, and who knows who will be next? An engineer, probably. Someone else I wouldn’t have a prayer of replacing.

Maybe I’m never going to advance, there.

Maybe Sarah is right. Just like anywhere else, they have their favorites, and their…less preferred individuals.

Maybe I’m wasting my time.

I was already passed over for one promotion, which, okay, I understand. Tailyn was the obvious choice in that situation, and that job probably wasn’t right for me, anyway.

But was it a one-time occurrence, or was it sort of a preview of my future at that company? The beginning of a pattern of being overlooked by the decision-makers?

Maybe it’s just not in the cards for me. Like a lot of things.

I wish I had someone to talk to. I feel so sad right now I could cry.