Conflict

I went to bed at 6:30, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that I woke up at 2:30, couldn’t go back to sleep.

John is retiring, and also another WH office guy. So there’s going to be a lot of movement in the WH. I’m starting to wonder if that isn’t my best bet.

Probably not, because I’ll be competing with a lot of other people with more experience, including possibly even Nina.

Plus, I feel like, if it was a viable option for me, Mickayla would’ve said yesterday.

It’s so weird that I have all this education I can’t really do anything with.

I don’t want to go back into teaching. I don’t know why, I still love the preschool aged kids. It seems like even as an aide I might make more money, I just really don’t want to.

One thing is, I don’t want to be scrambling every summer for employment. I can say I’m going to put money away for the summer, but it will still disappear.

I still think HR would be a fascinating and fun field to work in, but do you have to be a people person? Dale seems quiet, but he’s very successful as HR Director.

It might just be that he’s soft spoken. I don’t think so, though. I think I recognize my own pretty well by now. I think he’s an introvert.

These would all be great questions for Evan, since he has the HR background and is a people person.

Derek is right, though. When would I have time to go back to school? I’m asleep practically by sundown.

I would have to do all of my work on weekends, I guess. But how much weekend would I have left for the kids, then? I already feel like I’m not doing enough, now.

No, I think it’s not in the cards, right now. I’ve already got too much on my plate. I think I need to focus on other things: getting a higher-paying, 8-5 job so I’m not exhausted by the time I get home. Being present with my babies.

I feel like I’m doing a terrible job of that, right now. 😢 It is weighing heavily on me.

Recognizing when you’re overextended is a skill, too. What would be the next step? Knowing what to do to scale back, take back some control over your life.

What can I do to parent better? Be there? The only thing I can think of, honestly, is to get back on their schedule: that would mean 8-5 for me.

I’m happy where I am, what I’m doing. How long will I have to wait for something? Every minute of every day I’m waiting, waiting. It seems to go so slowly, but meanwhile, each day, my kids grow older.

They need me right now. Especially Aislyn. I feel like I’m not there. It’s breaking my heart.

I wish I had met with Lori yesterday. We quit early because I was so tired, and my head hurt so badly, that I could barely share a coherent thought.

I tell people I’m okay, but I’m not okay. Life is getting hard, again. I am overwhelmed. I need someone to talk to. I had my chance last night and I gave it up.

Sorry this one is such a downer. It’s just me, bleeding honesty on the screen.

I wonder exactly how valuable I am to them. If I explained my situation, might they do something to help?

I think that would be a very risky move on my part. It doesn’t really matter, right now, what value I hold. They simply don’t have anything. Evan is valuable, and look how long he waited.

I just don’t know if I have that kind of time.