Haha Joke

I frequently identify my jokes. It’s not because I don’t really believe I’m ever funny. It’s because I seem to have a history of people taking me seriously.

Also, it’s harder to convey humor in writing. Nobody can see my face.

Harder still, I think, to convey a dry sense of humor.

Maybe it’s not harder, per se. Just slightly more work. We’ve all read really funny books and stories and had the experience of laughing out loud.

But I’m pretty sure it doesn’t always just flow organically. I mean, readers don’t see the work writers put into their finished product.

I could be totally wrong. Some people are just naturally hilarious and for them it may be effortless. But I feel like even professionals must practice, have a process. It can’t all be 100% off the cuff.

I just think conveying humor on a page is harder. You can’t see me smiling coyly, can’t hear my tone of voice. For all you know, I could be hating on you (I’m not, I promise).

Let’s face it (no pun intended): your body pretty much says it all for you before you even open your mouth.

70% of communication is nonverbal.

I used to think I was good at reading body language, but now I’m not so sure. If I’m so good at reading it, how come I’m not able to modify my own? Are they two different things? Probably.

Maybe I’m only good at reading certain types of body language, like, the types I’ve studied the most.

I was fascinated by male behavior…always. So I studied it copiously, especially in college. That sounds creepy, let me clarify: I did a lot of reading about male body language. I wasn’t out observing other women getting hit on at bars or anything like that.

Although I probably could’ve learned best that way.

I should’ve gone into psychology. But that class was too early in the day for me and I didn’t do well in it, so I guess I must’ve thought I wouldn’t be any good at it. Fixed mindset.

It bothers me that my depression, introversion, self-consciousness, social awkwardness are all visible.

What I mean is, I don’t like that I actually curl into myself, as more and more people enter a room. I don’t like that my posture is bad. I don’t like that you can tell so much about my insecurities just by looking at me.

I know it’s not everyone who can tell. But, no, that’s not true. I’ve had lots of different people over the years say things like that. With a really wide variety of backgrounds.

I guess what I’m saying is I want to learn how to convey self-confidence.

I guess I have some more reading to do.

This topic is not what was bothering me last night, by the way. That is still bothering me.

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