Womanhood

Aislyn built a hotel:

She kept me company while I showered. By now I should know better than to shower when she’s looking for someone to talk to.

As I’ve said before, she is fascinated with my body. I wish I was a healthier model for her, but it is what it is.

As usual, she asked me questions about my breasts: why do they wiggle so much? 😳

I told her about getting her period when she gets older. I just don’t want it to scare her when it happens. She said she didn’t want her period.

I said it’s actually a really special time because it means you’re becoming a woman. It’s a good thing.

I started to say that some moms and their daughters even celebrate the first time it happens, but she changed the subject.

Unless she’s really young when she gets it, that will probably be the day we have The Talk, too.

Big day for AJ.

I wanted to call her AJ, because her name is Aislyn Jean. I thought it would be super cute to have a little girl nicknamed AJ. But she said no.

Anyway, this is what will happen when Aislyn gets her first period: I will take her to lunch, and we’ll have The Talk. We’ll, you know…go over the logistics. The ins and outs—literally.

Back in the day, the Donaher women didn’t celebrate my first period. I had the chicken pox so severely that I actually thought I could hear them popping on my back (I had a high fever for a few days, so I probably was hallucinating).

Anyway, I had chicken pox everywhere. Even my eyelids and throat.

So when I got my period, I was very confused, and thought it had something to do with the chicken pox.

And I was totally freaked out by it.

And my mother wasn’t home.

So I wailed to my dad that I had a problem, and I couldn’t tell him, but he guessed it. Now he’s all freaked out, too: “Is this your first time?” He says in a weird, high-pitched voice.

When my mother got home, she simply said, “That’s your period. Here’s a pad. You wanna watch The Little Mermaid?”

I was 12.

I want to be as open as I can with Aislyn about her body. I want her to have a healthy self-image. But I’ve already made some mistakes.

I told her the truth about women my age: some of us like to hear that we have big boobs, but not big anything else. Then, realizing my error, I quickly added that she will be beautiful no matter what happens to her body.

I don’t want Aislyn to think she has to be a specific size or shape to be beautiful. And then fail to achieve that shape her whole life and (mistakenly) think she is ugly.

Like me.

I do really believe she is beautiful now and will always be. But, as we all well know, I have these horrible, conflicting thoughts about myself.

Do I have to fix myself to teach her the right way?

We might be in trouble…