Not So Great

Somehow I’ve gained 8 pounds this week. I am not pleased with myself.

I had unbelievable activity numbers. 22, 23k. What a damn waste.

I could really have lost 40 pounds by now if I didn’t eat like a horse.

As you can tell, I’m pretty upset. When I’m upset I get very negative. It’s my go-to state. And the person who gets the brunt of my rage is most often me.

I’m not good at the self-compassion thing, and I suspect that that is one of the reasons I’ve been unsuccessful this year. Not surprisingly, research indicates that people who are more forgiving of themselves do better at weight loss.

I could say that it was kind of a challenging week. It’s the holidays, I was nonstop at work, K was out, I went to a party starving because I had run out of time beforehand to eat anything, like I typically would’ve done.

I could say, it’s a blip on the radar. It’s one week. It’ll come back off quickly. I’ll do better this week.

I could say, no matter what, it’ll be okay. Either way, it’ll all be okay. And, weirdly, even though it’s me who said it, I feel better.

Better enough that I almost want to cry with relief.

This has been an unexpectedly difficult year. Even with COVID semi-under control. For many reasons. It’s just reassuring to know that, one way or another, it’ll all work out.