I’m at a Loss (But Not the Good Kind)

Nothing looks good on me right now. I really need to do better with my points.

My aunt was on me about losing weight again, last time we talked. I really wish I could just tell her to leave me alone about my weight. I’m hard enough on myself as it is.

I’ll bet a lot of people don’t even think I’m as heavy as I think I am.

Maybe some people even think I’m beautiful. I hope so.

Derek would say I argue with anyone who tries to tell me I am beautiful, but he is mistaken. True, I used to dispute it. But that was so, so long ago, like, when we first met.

Now, if people say nice things to me, I just say thank you. I know because it was something I really had to work on.

I think not everybody understands the depth of the damage that can come from growing up with a mentally ill parent. Especially one with her own self-image issues.

For 23 years, I was told I was not thin enough, even when I was a bag of bones!

Side note: I was also told that my grades weren’t good enough when I got anything less than an A. Not by my father, just my mother.

So in addition to being thinner, I was also required to be smarter. With clearer skin.

I was just plain not good enough for her. So now, I’m not good enough for me.

Well, I apologize, readers. I have massively bummed myself out, so I imagine you’re probably kind of bummed out, now, as well.

Aislyn just showed me a “friendship”card she got from her friend who is a boy. It’s adorable. I’m going to help her make a friendship card for him. That will probably make me happy again.

That has to be one of the cutest things I’ve seen in a really long time.