Sometimes People Do Mean Things

An old friend told me this one time, in my thirties, and I’ve held onto it, because he was absolutely right.

It was weirdly foreshadowing, too, because he, himself, wound up hurting me.

The real question is, in my estimation, whether we can forgive.

I think Derek is taking Aislyn to the library this morning, so I’m not sure whether I’m going to get back up and do more cleaning, or just sit here and blog all morning.

Probably sit here and blog. No. Even if it was the best thing to do, I’m not sure what I’d write about.

I feel limited, now, because I know there’s eyes on me. Just, some of the things I’ve said for laughs or shock value are embarrassing, when I think of who might possibly be reading.

The only reason I haven’t stopped altogether or set to private is because I have nothing to hide about this whole worker’s comp fiasco. No amount of this “extracurricular activity” (finger tapping) even compares to what I was doing in production, anyway.

I wonder if a video of exactly what we do in production would be permissible. If it would be helpful. I could video someone’s hands working, with my phone. Maybe I could ask HR if it would be okay to do.

Then I could show it to my OT, and maybe she could provide insight on the stress it could put on my hands. It’s worth asking, I suppose.

I don’t mean to be paranoid, I’m just trying to be realistic. There’s a common denominator, here, and I know that. And sometimes people do things they might not want to because they feel like they have to. Forced to choose between loyalty and self-preservation. I get it.

But it doesn’t mean I like it. It doesn’t mean I wouldn’t feel profoundly sad, if my worst, nagging suspicion is fact. That’s why I’d rather know now; not the day of. And not even further down the road, in the face of any other egregious event.

If you’re wondering whether or not I forgave my old friend from the beginning of this post, I did. It took some time, though, to process and fully get over what happened.

Forgiving is probably the kindest, healthiest thing you can do for the other person and yourself.