Tanned and Shaven

I’m all set to bare my legs this week. Everyone probably thinks I’m nuts, wearing shorts in the early morning at the end of September, but I am so damned hot all the time. And it’s not a weight thing, either. Even as a beanpole, I was still always hot.

I just run hot, I guess. My temp’s always around 99.

Changing to the blue hat has helped some, at least.

I’ve realized I haven’t had any actual food today, and now I’m very hungry. I don’t usually eat when I get up Sunday because of weigh-in, but right after WI, I drink my coffee and my first tumbler of soda, making me not that hungry. So I kind of forgot lunch, but now it’s 3:30, and my belly is rumbling.

Speaking of my belly, I think it might be getting smaller. I put on a pair of drawstring shorts I hadn’t worn in a few weeks, and I noticed the drawstring had some give. It also looks slightly smaller than it did.

Even though it seems like a positive, I still feel like I’m picking myself apart. I’m more than my body parts. I’m too hard on myself.

I haven’t learned, yet, how not to be hard on myself.

I think it’s going to be more about unlearning, than about learning, actually. Deprogramming. Rewiring.

It’s like, I know what I have to do, I just haven’t figured out exactly how to do it.