Up on My Sleep in Day

I woke up really hungry…as usual. So I came downstairs and had more cereal. I tracked it. I’m already basically done for the day. I’ve lost my blue dot.

My weight will be even more elevated today because I’m also drinking like a fish. Just curious, do fish actually drink?

I feel like I am definitely losing this game. I don’t know what has to happen to finally turn it around, but I wish it would happen. Why am I so goddamned hungry all the time?

This didn’t used to be such a big problem. Out of college, I gained a bit of weight like everyone else. But I wasn’t heavy. Ever since I had Aislyn, I’ve been up and down, up and down. It can’t be good for my health.

I want to be down. Just down. And stay down. There has to be a way. There just has to.

I refuse to accept this as my actual weight, the weight I should be, or will be. I’m not happy, I’m not comfortable, I’m not confident. No. This isn’t me. This is the result of hormones, sleep deprivation, and above all, poor habits.

It’s time to take control.

I’m not going to starve myself, because I can’t. It would just lead to disaster. But I’m going to hold myself accountable for every decision. Everything that goes in my mouth is going in the tracker. That’s it. I’m tired of feeling this way. Tired of repeating myself. It’s time to really actually do this.