Still Ruminating in the Wee Hours

It hurts when someone in your own family obviously thinks so little of you. That I would take advantage of my own father. I love and respect my father so much. I try really hard not to be a burden.

These last few months have been difficult. I’m always exhausted. I don’t mean to be forgetful or negligent, but sometimes things fall through the cracks. I’m only one person and I’m not perfect.

I need to keep reminding myself that it’s not me. I can’t take it personally, the judging. But I’ve always been super sensitive to that kind of thing. I told Mom my grandmother would’ve said “Let it roll off your back.” But then, everything pissed her off, so who knows?

I knew there would be pushback from some. I just didn’t expect it to be so overt.

I’m sorry to be so evasive. But there’s always a chance I’ll be found here, and then there will really be a problem. And not just for me.

I’m in a bad spiral.

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