Full Disclosure

I’ve been applying for writing jobs again.

Shhhhhh!

It’s not that I don’t like The Hutch. I do. But for one thing, I’m not making enough money, and two, every day I’m not writing professionally I feel like I’m squandering my gift.

I’m not meaning to be braggy. I know I’m not the be all and end all of writers. But I do think it’s my greatest strength, and I do think I have enough raw talent to do it for a living.

I just think everyone has a gift to offer the world, and writing is mine.

And my whole adulthood, years and years, I’ve felt that not following my dream is, at best, a colossal waste of time and energy, and runs counter to who I am.

I’m not saying that teaching was a waste of my time and energy. I enjoyed it, I think (I hope) I made a difference in some of my students’ lives, even if I made a difference in just one child’s life, it will have made the whole pursuit worthwhile to me.

But even while I was teaching, I knew there was something I loved even more, and was better at.

So right now I feel I’m just putting off the inevitable. I gave up Cucumber and started working retail to make ends meet. I’m not making ends meet. I might as well be a struggling writer.

I think this has come about because I rebooted my copywriting internship with Pandemic Professors a month or so ago. So I have been writing for them. And it’s all coming back to me, how much I love it, how easily and naturally it flows from me, once I get in the zone.

It has reignited my passion.

But it’s harder to get an interview, now. Because (I’m guessing) I’ve had a lapse in my writing career, I’m not hearing back from anybody.

So many times I’ve gotten my hopes up and been passed over. I can’t count how many times I’ve said “I officially give up.” But it’s my dream. It’s my calling.

Any of you would tell me “Never give up,” right?

So I can’t. I’ve got to keep trying. I’ll never be at one with myself if I don’t. Even if I never make it. That’s what a true writer does.

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