I’m down 1.4?! I think it could be because I’m wearing much lighter clothes because of the weather. But I’m still surprised I wouldn’t have gained this week. Oh well. I’ll take it.

My legs are quite dark for me. I’m not sure how natural it looks. But that’s okay, it’s better than the pale white.

Spray tan: medium plus extra on legs

You can see where it pooled at my feet, but no one at work is going to see that.

I would’ve just done my legs, but you have to get your whole body done. They did do extra on my legs. The difference looks less dramatic on my phone, I think, than in person.

Now, at least I don’t have to be so self-conscious about my white, white legs.

At today’s workshop, Kimmy said I had to stop blaming the Depo, that I’m doing it to myself, now. I think she’s right. It’s been almost six months, and I’ve demonstrated that I can still lose weight. I think I just needed to hear it from someone else.

I think it’s my thoughts that lead me to overeat at night. Another common thought I have at night: “I can’t do this. It’s too hard.” I never think that during the day.

I need another job. No, not really. An 80-hour work week would destroy me. But I’m not wrong about needing a change to my nightly routine. I need a structured activity or a series of activities. I need an activity schedule. No, I really do.

Activity schedules are what we used to give the kids when I was teaching preschoolers with autism. They had picture books that showed each activity on a separate page. They’d go through the book, one activity at a time, find, set up, complete, and put it away, turn the page, repeat. That’s kind of what I need. I need to eliminate bingeing from my nightly routine. Put something else in its place.

The obvious answer would be biking. But I’d have to have amply digested dinner first. And I’d need time after for a shower. We put the kids to bed at 8:00. We eat dinner anywhere between 5:00 and 6:30. Those later times would be a problem. Even 5:30 would be pushing it. I don’t know if this will work.

There are other things, though. Reading, writing, knitting (you laugh, but I do knit a little).

It’s going to take some work, figuring it out. Maybe even a leisurely walk around the block? That’d be good for everyone, if we all went.

I’m optimistic again. It’s a new day. It’s a new week. I don’t know how long my optimism will last, but for now I’m just gonna work it.

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