A Sudden Deep Dive into Seriousness

I’m getting a callus on my finger from the work I’m doing. I think I need new gloves. But I don’t have access to the machine that dispenses them.

I added like a million pairs of shoes to my Amazon wish list for my birthday. I never really know what I want for my birthday. I always just ask for gift cards because I like to shop.

So this year, I got help from Amazon. I just typed “slip-on shoes” into the search field and voila! Shhhhhhhoooooooooz.

I don’t usually know what I want until I see what I want. And then I might forget I wanted it. I must be a visual person…with a limited attention span.

They keep showing a scared-looking Ukranian mother with her baby on YouTube, and it’s bumming me out. Is that ignorant? I’m sorry.

I rely on what my family tells me about the news. I don’t really follow it myself, because when I do, it frightens me. For a while in 2020, I closely followed it and COVID, and then I became depressed and gained 60 pounds. During those first months of quarantine, I became completely convinced that I was going to die, and grieved for Derek and the kids. Not because I think I’m so wonderful, believe me, but because of the hardship, emotional and otherwise, it would create for my family to be without a domestic partner and mother. I can’t talk about it anymore because even the thought of it still makes me sad.

And don’t even get me started on Trump. I’m afraid of his return. Like I won’t even say his name three times because I’m afraid he’ll come back like Beetlejuice.

Believe it or not, there are plenty of other reasonably intelligent people like myself who don’t bother with news for the same reasons I don’t. You may say I’m small and self-centered, and maybe you’re right. But I know me and I know I will obsess over most of the stories the media wants me to obsess over, and I will become sad and angry and disillusioned just like I did in 2020.

Actually, I did love the Newseum in Washington D.C., though. I could’ve spent days there, especially looking at the photojournalism. I do enjoy learning about history, I’m just not such a huge fan of current events.

There is always something to worry about, and the news just highlights the worst of the worst of it. Even local news, the scary things that happen to people and kids in Nashua, Manchester. Drugs in Rochester, homelessness in Somersworth. Sharps boxes, even, in our public library bathroom. Oh, my God. No place is safe.

So you can unfollow me if you want to, but I’m not going to lie to you and call myself a news hound. It terrifies me, and only exacerbates my anxiety.

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