Monday

I’m down a bit from yesterday. I expected that, so much water weight. I just want to maintain a downward trend.

I didn’t have my after dinner snack last night, unless you count coffee, and I survived! I went upstairs, brushed my teeth and got into bed. That seemed to keep me away from the kitchen.

Then I woke up around 3 a.m.? But I didn’t go downstairs at all. Desmond happened to be sleeping on the foldout in our room, so I just went in his room and fell back asleep. No cereal necessary.

The foldout was intended for very, very hot summer nights, as he has no air conditioner—wrong kind of window. Unfortunately, he uses it much more frequently, like any time he hears a noise.

My thought is to clean his room next, move the foldout into his room except for on hot summer nights. But it’s a matter of getting down and cleaning his room.

Type-A buddy that he is, you’d think he’d be organized like me. Nope. His room is a disaster, no matter what I do in there. It takes hours and hours to straighten up and you never know where to start, there’s so much. I’ve kind of given up on that room, and it’s such a big, beautiful room to give up on.

We’ve got to do something. He’s much too dependent this way.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve massively screwed him up. I love him so much, I’ve tried so hard, and yet, somehow, I’ve managed to create all kinds of insecurities in him. How have I done this? More importantly, how can I help him?

I wonder about family therapy. Are the kids too young for that? Aislyn might be, I’m not sure if it would have an impact on her. But you’d think it would, because if it helped any one of us, that would in turn help her.

It’s already almost time to leave. I feel like I just sat down. Oh well. I got up at 4:00, so at least I’ve had ample light box time.

Before we know it, I can put the light away for the season. How I yearn for longer days in winter. They’re coming, that’s the one thing I know for sure.