Leah Bares Her Soul

Another good blog title? No? Okay.

+1.7 this week. This is a nightmare. My graph is a straight line up, up, up.

What else can I do? Maybe taper off the coffee? It only adds about six extra points to my day. That isn’t what’s doing me in, I don’t think.

Even low cal snacks aren’t good in large doses.

I don’t know it’s a medical thing so much at this point as a psychological thing. Last Sunday was a good day. I feel like I have a lot of good Sundays, then fall apart afterward.

This lady I know at WW, Corinne, let’s say, just told me she gained 20 pounds AND got pregnant with her daughter while on Depo. YAAAAAAH!

I like Corinne a lot. Today I was griping about my lack of success losing weight, and she spoke up and said that in fact I had lost weight—a lot of weight over time, and I needed to remember that.

At the end of the workshop she said she didn’t mean to call me out. I said “You’re right, though. I do need to remember what I’ve lost.

Corinne has lost 100 pounds. You’d never know she had ever been overweight.

This is the one that embarrasses me; not my pregnancy pic. I couldn’t have been more than 100 lbs, here. It was kind of a wild time in my (over)extended adolescence…relatively speaking.

“That doesn’t even look like you!” says Desmond. “I know, thank goodness,” I say.

I think more than being much too thin, it reminds me of a rather dark phase of my life that I’d prefer to forget. You’ll notice I call it my all-time “lowest;” not “thinnest” or “personal best.” It was far from my personal best, believe me. I’m lucky, in so many ways, that it was a short span.

So what’s my point? I guess it’s just that I’m not obsessed with being as skinny as I can. That weight didn’t even look good on me at 20; never mind 44. It’s that I understand that “looking good” does not mean looking gaunt. I want to look (and be) healthy.

I’m not there yet, but I’m not really so far off from it, either. Probably, 125 would be far enough away from that little shell of a girl, but close enough to a reasonable weight. That’s now 35 pounds out. Okay, 36. Not so terrible.