The Aislyn Project

We got some of Aislyn’s room done last night before I had to call it quits and go to the pharmacy. I haven’t had my morning Adderall in three days, no wonder I’ve been so exhausted!

I do my pills once a week, put them all into a weekly organizer. Then when I take them I take them all at once, so I don’t necessarily pay attention to what’s there and what’s not from day to day. I knew last Saturday I was running out of Adderall, but I lost track of it during the week.

I’m on meds for lots of things: depression, anxiety, ADHD, blood pressure, acne.

Anyway, I hated not finishing her room, because, as you know, I hate not finishing things. Because who knows when I’ll get back to it? What if I never do, and it devolves back into the chaos it was yesterday morning?

I mean, it will eventually backslide, even if I do finish it, but somehow completion fills me with satisfaction in a way few things can. Just knowing I got it where it needs to be is enough to make me happy. Until I have to fix it again.

Am I insane? Or can some of you relate?

Still no one up. Maybe I could try to go back to sleep. Of course, the moment I lay down, her door will open, her little footsteps will hit the floor and her little voice will be in my ear: “Good morning, Mama.” You can’t not love her little voice.

She is amazingly the age of the kids I most loved to work with. I can’t believe how fast the time has gone by already. My baby girl goes to school in the fall.

It just goes to show that time is fleeting. I feel like it goes faster than I can, and I want to slow it down, sometimes even stop it altogether so I can appreciate what I have right then and there.

I spend a lot of time bogged down by my past, or immersed in some anticipated future event.

I need to be present in the moment more often. If I miss too many of these moments, it’s going to catch up with me.