Hangin’ Round Downstairs by Myself

And I’ve had too much caffeine and I was thinkin’ ‘bout myself… anyway, you get the point.

Not everyone can look stunning in yoga pants, we know that. I’ve got on, not yoga pants, per se, but pretty damn close. They’re black, stretchy, they actually said “butt-shaping” on the tag. So stretch pants, I guess. And a chunky sweater that doesn’t quite cover my whole bum.

Do I think for one second that I look great in this pants style? Absolutely I don’t. But that’s okay. They’re really comfortable, they were $10, they have little pockets for my phone and box cutter, they are closer to pajamas than jeans, and I’m very tired because I barely slept. And my sweater mostly covers my butt. Of course, I haven’t looked in a mirror, yet.😬

My legs are not sticks. They’re more like trees, actually. Nah, but they’re very shapely; they always have been. I have obvious hips and thighs. Am I okay with that? Yes, I am now. When I was a little girl, though, I wanted sticks. One of my “friends” even used to rag on me in dance class about my thighs, even though the rest of me was little. She, herself, was no Skinny Spice. Girls can be so very cruel.

I get my legs from my mother. But I also get my looks from my mother, so it seems unfair of me to complain. I made out okay.

I’m trying to have a healthy self image. I’m better than I used to be, though still self-critical, in that I say things to myself I would never say to a friend or really anyone else. I would never say to someone that their legs were trees, for instance, even though it was very tongue-in-cheek when I said it above about myself. I would never comment on someone’s lack of a waistline (one woman, years ago, when I was losing weight, actually said to me, and in front of other people: “We have a waistline! Who knew?” When I said somewhat defensively it had always been there, she said, “No it hasn’t.” Really? I mean really?).

I don’t even notice those types of things on most other people. My friend Melissa, for instance, looked great in stretch pants. I don’t know if she thought so, but I did. I don’t think she has sticks for legs, but then again, I’m not sure, because I didn’t pay all that much attention. All I noticed was that she looked good.

Way back when I was still single, I did notice that most men do not have butts. Most men. Occasionally you get a guy with a butt, but mostly, no.

I’m reading Gary Foster’s book The Shift. I had started it a while ago, but couldn’t keep up. For a writer, I’m a terrible reader. Just awful. The thing is, if I really want to digest and fully understand what I’m reading, I need zero distractions. If the TV is on, music is playing, someone is talking to me, I can’t concentrate well enough on the book. Otherwise I’m stuck in the same paragraph for 20 minutes, or worse, I’ve read three pages and couldn’t tell you a thing about them.

That could be a manifestation of the ADD, I suppose. It’s always been true. I could never do homework with music on. Could never study with any background noise present.

Anyway, it’s a WW book about changing your mindset. It’s quite good. Mom read it and got me a copy. Right now, actually, would be an ideal time to read it, as the house is filled with rare and pristine silence.

My desire to write often competes with the desire to read.

The Shift talks a lot about self-compassion, something I’m sorely lacking, and how you actually kind of need it to be successful long term with any endeavor, but in this case, a healthy lifestyle. I tend to beat myself up when I make mistakes.

Anyway, if I can just get through it, this would be a great time for me to read it. I feel I’m at a turning point right now. I feel it strongly. It’s not my body telling me, but it is my gut. My intuition.

I think I’m ready to really start doing better again: either losing or at least not gaining anymore. Yesterday was successful. I did have a bowl of cereal at midnight, but I’m counting that toward today. I’m feeling like I can probably have another yesterday today. Even though I will likely be tired. I still think I can behave reasonably.

Anyway, happy Monday, my readers. Have a great day, and a safe commute, if in deed you commute. 29 degrees in New Hampshire, today, so, for my New Englanders: try to stay cool through the heatwave. ❤️

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