Winding Down

The day has caught up with me. I have stopped at 32 points, still on the edge of healthy, but it’s only 7:30. Yesterday was harder though, because I had stopped at 3 p.m. So by 9 p.m. I was pretty hungry and lost control. Tonight I am full at 7:30, so maybe I stand a better chance of not screwing up.

I thought about working out this evening, too, but there was a lot of housework and in any case I accrued 15 activity points today just from work and housework and 9600 steps.

I’m worried about Desmond. I can’t really say why. But I’m concerned for him socially and so very, very sad that I could just cry, thinking about it.

He has an appointment coming up, and I’ve already contacted them, but my fear is that I haven’t done enough. Or haven’t acted quickly enough. That’s really all I can say about it, as he’s almost nine years old and I feel I should give him some privacy, some dignity.

But my heart is just about broken for him.

I love them both so much. You don’t know how gut-wrenchingly you can love something until you have a family. The thought of either of my kids suffering, even momentarily, just kills me.

My muscles are sore. I’m weepy. I’m very bloated. There’s a possibility I’m due my monthly bill soon. But I’m just finally putting this thing that’s been bothering me for quite some time into words.

I need something so deeply. I need comfort. I need reassurance. I’m sitting here, quietly going to pieces on my couch.

I just don’t want to upset anyone else right now.

I hurt.