Today Was Better

Today was better. I wonder if it had anything to do with the caffeinated coffee at 11:00. Usually, I get decaf because I try to limit my caffeine on account of my blood pressure.

There was also more to do today than yesterday. Although there was enough to keep me busy yesterday, I think it was at a much slower pace, because of how little energy I had. And there was less pressure to get it done quickly.

I’m probably not really within my points budget right now, but I haven’t gone crazy, either. Maybe it would be best for now to keep just a mental tally of my points.

I don’t know, though. I kind of want a record of this point in time where I’m struggling so hard, and how much damage, if any, I’m doing. But you have to actually track to have a record, and, guess what? I haven’t tracked any better this week than last or the week before. Despite my pledge to track the good, the bad, and the ugly this week.

I must be making it difficult for you to take me seriously. Every time I set out to do something and don’t do it. Believe me, I’m at least as hard on myself about this as you are on me. Maybe unnecessarily so? What do they say about the best laid plans? They still sometimes go awry.

I mean, I did do my biking Tuesday morning. I may legit not be able to tomorrow morning because I have to get Desmond to radiology before school, but there’s no reason why I won’t be able to Saturday, and that’s 2/3 of what I said I’d do.

Tracking is hard when you’re way off program. You kind of don’t want to know exactly how badly you’re doing. It’s so much sticking your head in the sand when you’re off program. Unfortunately, that’s how most of us regain.

Also, if you’re like me, you want your records to be perfect, even though, if you’re honest, of course they aren’t. And if they aren’t perfect, then what’s the point of tracking at all? And yes, I am fully aware that this mindset 100% misses the point of tracking. I’m just incredibly stubborn, perfectionistic, unreasonable, and all-or-nothing-minded.

Okay, I am loving all of this posting right now, and I have more to say and to share, but I have to go get creamer and gas. But I want you all to know, the bottom line is that I’m not giving up. Not by far. I still fully intend to divide and conquer and get to my goal. It’s just going to be harder in the second half than it was in the first. The first half was a cake walk—without any actual cake. But now with the hormone and the sleepiness, it’s going to take some tweaking and fine-tuning. It’s going to take a whole different plan of attack.

If it sounds like I’m just throwing a lot of words and phrases at you, I don’t mean it to. I’m committed. I know there’s more at stake here than just looking good. There’s feeling good, too. And health. And other stuff.

I’m going to get there, I am. I got there once, I’m going to do it again, and stay there this time.

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