Skin Tight

Wednesday. Dress-down day. It’s not a store thing, it’s just a Leah thing. I dress down on Wednesdays and Thursdays and up the longer days. Really, it should be the other way around. So I don’t spend all day in a skirt and tights.

I don’t have to dress up at all. I could wear jeans everyday. I used to, in Somersworth. But I choose to sometimes because I like to, especially as I begin to resemble my old self more and more.

At TJX in college, I dressed up always. But in much shorter-length clothes. And all the boys I worked with teased the bejesus out of me about it. There was no such thing as “body-shaming” in the 1990s. There were sexual harassment policies, sure, but these were entirely ignored by the teenagers I worked with.

They say to dress for the job you want, not the one you have. Even management is mostly in jeans, though.

I guess I just like to dress up when I get to a certain point. I always have. I’m a girly-girl.

I’m just thrilled to wear more than sweatpants this winter. Yup. Last winter was rough.

My holey shirt fits, but it fits like a glove. Maybe slightly tighter than a glove.

I’ve definitely had a terrible week and a half of being way off plan. I’m hoping I can initiate a turnaround today.

It’s not that I’m not motivated. I’m motivated AF. But the “end” seems so far away and hard to reach, right now. Even though in reality, it probably isn’t.

I put “end” in quotes because there’s no real end. It’s a lifestyle. After reaching goal, there is maintenance.

My problem is I’m comparing myself to Goal Me, which is bumming me out because I’m not there, yet. When instead, I should be comparing myself to Pre-Program Me, which helps me to realize I’ve worked hard, done an awesome job, and look great.

And really, I am fairly close. Maybe 30 pounds at the most.

It may be, too, I’m now in the thick of battling my worst enemies: Seasonal Affective Disorder and this side effect-laden birth control, to maintain a positive outlook. Winter is always difficult for me, no matter how hard I fight it. It was worse for my mother, too.

The good news is the days are already getting longer, and that does help me.

Off to work.

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